I think in the past six months since I last wrote, I’ve realised how out of touch with reality I really am. I should warn you that this post contains the views of someone who’s a little lost on the ways of the world and may include some trivial issues. It’s a tad long too so to make up for six months of no posting. Read on if you still want to know what’s going on.
In January, my Incapacity Benefit was up for review. I had sent the usual questionnaire out probably just before I wrote the last entry. At that time I was unsure what exactly they would think and was questioning where I was at the time too. At the beginning of January I had to go for a medical examination and shortly after that the decision was made that I was no longer entitled to the benefit.
I’ll admit that it was a major change for me. I kind of realised that this day was coming but I was hoping that I would get just that little bit of extra time to be able to get back on my feet again and volunteering more regularly. Now things weren’t going at the comfortable pace I was hoping to get. Yet I also thought that maybe I could get going again. I was thinking that what I was doing at the charity shop was good enough to be wanted there. If I was so bad they wouldn’t want me back, even if they were a charity and in need of help. So I was surprisingly upbeat at the time. I realised that it wasn’t going to be easy in these troubled times, but thought surely someone somewhere would want a ready and willing slave an enthusiastic worker.
Since being taken off Incapacity Benefit I have been placed on what I have been told is my only option, Jobseekers Allowance. I don’t think I need to tell anyone that it’s not gone well. My big problem is that I have had no work experience outside of the voluntary work. Despite what I was told at Job Centre Plus, it seems like no employers consider my voluntary work as suitable experience for shop work as paid work. I also have a huge hole of nine years of doing nothing and have no references from anyone. I can tell employers in my CVs or covering letters that I’m enthusiastic and like to get the job done properly etc. but have nothing to back it up.
My mood has not exactly been great of late either. While I knew that employers wouldn’t be beating each other to my door, I still feel exceptionally disappointed when nothing comes of a job application or the job listings offer nothing for me. Every search now feels like a depressing slog and whatever applications I make seem like they are destined to lead to disappointment.
I know that this isn’t new to most of you reading this. This is the process many of you were going through and have been through for many years of your life. It’s part of adult life, adult life is tough, so get used to it David! I’d just like to add my perspective, as someone who didn’t go through the proper process when he should have all those years ago. I feel like a child who doesn’t know what he’s doing and is having to learn as he goes. Except no one quite knows how to deal with me either. Whoever I ask for help looks at it from their perspective but then gets stuck when it comes to looking at the specifics of my situation. I can’t go to CV specialists because of my involvement with the Disability Service Team, as detailed below.
There is hope elsewhere though, I have also been referred to Job Centre Plus’s Disability Service Team. I have been in contact with a Disability Employment Advisor and have also recently been on a Work Assessment to find out where my skills lie and whether I can go into the line of work I want to go into. I’ll spare you all the details for a possible post on the subject. I will say that there were promising results to be taken from the tests and I’m waiting for further details from the team. I’m wanting to make sure I’m OK before I go onto the Work Placement they can offer me though. While I’ve been waiting though I’ve been told I can’t really use any CV Specialist services that you see about. It’s all to do with the rewriting of the CV that would come from the results of this assessment.
Finally, there’s two things I’ve finally realised with being able to think a little clearly after lowering my anti depressant dosage. That some symptoms I’ve been having have not been part of my poor sleeping habits or the drugs. For quite some time now – and you’ll have to excuse me for not knowing the exact length of time – I have been experiencing a blocked up feeling at the top of my nose and around my eyes and temples. I’ve gotten headaches from this and it’s made me feel quite sleepy and need a good lie down from it. It’s varied in intensity and it hasn’t been limited to summer time. So during the time of changing to looking for work I decided to finally see my GP about it. Apparently what I have is Perennial Rhinitis which in summary is an allergy that affects the nose and eyes and is similar to hay fever but all year round. I’ve been taking nasal sprays but at this moment in time it’s not that great and I’ve been spending more time indoors doing nothing because of it and my lower mood. I’m going to see my GP soon and hopefully get the symptoms sorted.
***Warning: Best skip this next paragraph if you want to miss minor details about teeth***
I also had an issue with my upper back molar and I thought that might also be a problem. I decided that finally getting over my pride and seeing a dentist would be needed. Now you may be wondering “pride?”. Well that’s all to do with me not brushing my teeth as much as I should have during my lower mood days in the past. I thought my teeth were in such a state that I’d get a lecture on it and that frankly I didn’t want to admit that I’d skipped brushing because of it. Thankfully that was all part of that stupid line of childhood thinking and nothing was said or need to be said. All except that upper back molar were in OK condition. However that said tooth had a fair bit of decay and had indeed gotten as far as the nerve. I decided that it was best to have it removed and so it was done. For someone who’s had issues with anxiety in the past, it didn’t affect my handling of the actual operation. Even the problems my dentist had getting a grip on my malformed tooth only humoured me rather than scared me. In fact the whole process was easy and painless except for the need for pain killers for a few days afterwards. As it should be in this modern world of ours. By the way, I didn’t keep the tooth as a souvenir.
So that ends another blog post. Hopefully I’ll be able to post something a little more upbeat soonish. Have fun and take care everyone.