Dalvado's World

Hello once more loyal readers. It’s been a while since my last posting in June but truth be told there hasn’t been much to talk about.

First up there was the wonderful scare I got with some blood pressure tests. It remains shall we say, a tad high at the moment and I found myself having to go get a test done every month from April to July. This eventually ended up with a blood test and ECG. Nothing wrong bar my weight being slightly higher than it should be. Not really anything surprising there and it’s something I know I have to work on.

Secondly, I had a late birthday lunch with my wonderful friends (I’m really gushing here) Paula and Steve. They even got me Rockstar’s Table Tennis game as a pressie! That was somewhat unexpected to say the least but much appreciated. It’s surprisingly good fun, but you can read my review when I put it up.

Now we come to the reason behind the title of the post. As you may know from reading my earlier post, I have moved home and live with my gran in Sheffield. This was to be part of a new chapter in my life. Now all has been going fairly well for the most part but I am worried about me dropping back a bit. I’ve been doing fairly well on progressing through my first stage of the five stage plan detailed before. I was making heady progress in going out once a day for five days consecutively. In fact I actually made five at one point. Then I got a bit tired and I’ve started to drop off a bit. I’m making three out of seven at most at the moment, which is fine but it could be better.

This of course does concern me. Parts of my plan, like taking a half-hour walk in the park once a day are not going as planned. I get to feel very tired and when I tell myself to do it I put myself off by worrying about falling down tired and that I feel I just can’t move. I’m told by my Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) that this is due to the monotonous routine of doing doing this everyday that puts me off. I’d tend to agree there as there’s very little excitement due for me there. The problem I have is that my original motivation for the walks – to improve my stamina levels and get fit – don’t seem to be enough to for me to go ahead with the walks.

There’s this other problem to. The exercises and projects I wanted to set myself to do every day. Namely after going for the walk sit down in front of the computer, read the latest news in computing and tech and then try the projects in my computer magazines or perhaps learn some more C++ and try some home brew games of my own. Maybe due to the lack of walking some chemical – I’m guessing is endorphin I can’t find any reference to another – isn’t running around my head but I just seem to tire out and my brain just shuts down and wants no more. I noticed in the past that after walking before it does improve things slightly, so I based my presumption that the walk would do good on this. It seems to be the usual case of what I believe to be understanding what I’m doing but something else slows me down. I’m told by my CPN that this would improve if I were working as my brain won’t get bored then. That might be the case but it seems like a vicious cycle. I certainly hate not doing anything and it adds to my general stress levels if I do wake up late one day and feel too tired to do anything.

Which of course brings me to work and my confusion once more. I nearly was able to possibly get something but it passed me by. When the idea came up for work it did excite me in many ways, I thought maybe I could do this. Unfortunately for me this would have had to have been full time work which I was worried that I might not be ready for. Plus there’s the whole having to deal with the public angle which this retail based option. I thought I might be able to handle it as I’ve been OK with folk on Xbox Live for some time now. I’d use my experience from drama to try and hide all the crap and look more confident.

I’m looking into it anyway but I just don’t know how long it might be before I do get into some work. I’ll admit that I feel there’s unfinished business with further education, so I’d still want to see about trying that and not be stuck in one job. I had a possible offer of something from someone after I did a bit of help with some computers. I’m still not sure what it was though but I declined at the time worrying I’d get stuck doing only a certain type of IT work. I’ll admit I was tempted though.

Anyway, that’s me for the moment. I’ll try keep posting as regularly as possible but there’s no promises mind.